A Routine Conference

Today the routine conference cost me about one and a half hours for
listening the voice from client and the testing result. After that,
there is one sentence I can't kick it off, overtime if needed.
~!!-_-!!~

It seems that not all of us are ready for that. Client said they had
done some testing but cannot go any further cause the basic data was
not ready, and even they don't know all the details of the requirement
yet. And we are so busy to turn the developing phase to the testing
phase, handling so many trivial and unexpected stuffs, and implement
the new and reasonable requirement.

Such a busy day, but thank god, no overtime today.

After work, our team have a dinner in ShaoJiChuanCai which assume
belongs to childe Shao, :P. On the table, I finally figure out why she
fit in her job, :P. And we got a lot of messages about the project
which we are work on and future plan of our company. It sound good,
but you know, there is always a nice big picture.

Smile, smile again

Another busy day, but actually I have no idea what am I busy for.
Trivial stuffs show up one after another, just freak me out.

I try to smile today, cause somebody said that when you smile, you'll
be happy. It seems to make sence. So I smile, and then smile again. It
make me feel better, energy rise up again. Open my eyes, open my mind,
the world looks different today.

I can't not believe that the upset feeling could last so long, but it
really did, and may come up again if I am still hang in there
watching what i am interest in but cannot go deep and doing what i
could not take control of. So clinging am I. I could not even make an
response while PM said that I should spend more time on flex and take
over it as soon as possible. The only response is smile. As I said,
time is limited, when you are busy doing something, you could not get
enough time for the others.

So we have to choose.
I chose keep smile...

Time is Limited

Ah, OT, again!!

Althought they (the client) are facing to us with smile, the air still
make me uncomfortable. I very don't know why should I join that
conference. They are fast and impatient in the UAT phase, and actually
we are not so ready for it.

Just today, I had tried to package the war file and deploy it to the
UAT server for more than 3 hours but failure. We use Teamcity as the
auto daily build tool, and the production package tool. It was so
disoperative, just reporting the error, like could not connect to the
SVN, and ignore all the updates we had committed for a long time. And
finally, it detected the updates and rebuild, but with the wrong
version. Oh my God, what's wrong with you?

As a modern civilian worker, handling multitask is the basic function.
Dealing with Teamcity for the that war file, debugging mule and
hibernate for the bizarre problem cause by the XA transaction, coding
the message builder for interest list, stuck on that boring
conference, thinking about the how to handle the pixels in the
image...

Time is limited.

So Calm

I know it's sucks, but I can't being exciting since then, in another
word, being so calm now.

But what's the big deal? hey! let it go, boy, you got friends believe
on you, you got family stare on you, you got work to do, you got dream
to come true, you gotta to keep your life style, that's it.

Being calm is not that bad. I do not need time to cool down when the
critical questions came. Like the class cast exception case today(er,
yesterday), it was a bizarre bug. The symptom of it lead you to treat
it with the solution for the session problem, as we called it, but
actually, it's not a session problem, we already got spring security
to take care of the secured session, but we haven't configurate it
perfectly. And the solution for that bug is a few configuration. But
that's the beginning of nightmare, bugs came out one by one. I'll be
freak out soon if I'm normal, thanks to the calm status.

And the calm make me feel nothing about the OT, I usually hate to do
that because I think most of them are unnecessary and inefficient.
Maybe this time is different, I do have a lot of bugs to deal with.

Absolutely, I'm under controlled by my endocrine system. The question
is, should it be?

Clinging

I'm feeling nothing, er, better than upset.

When I felt upset, friends came up and asked what happen. Despite not
all stuff I could explain clearly, it's quite subtle, you guys all
seem to know about that, being sophisticated on that, and tell me
that's the way the earth rotates around the sun, and I should not
being stuck in that lousy stuff.

Thanks everybody. I'm OK.

I just telling the true feeling I have had, original from my endocrine
system. That's right, you can't get everything you want, but you can
get something through your struggle. I'll keep going on my original
way, which I believe its the best way I should do for this project,
and handle the assignment at the acceptable level.

Feel Upset

这两天由于工作上的事情搞得心情很不好，与往常不同的是，这次是在累积进行一次大的火山喷发，累积的时间不算太长，就是清算系统项目开始之后的这一段时间，因为我实在是无法一下子接受那些事情，虽然早有预感，但是也不知道已经明示暗示过多少次了，结果还是一样。

也许大家都认为这样是自然和合理的，但为什么都不愿意去倾听一下我自己的意见，为什么不去了解一下为什么我会认为那是不自然和不合理的呢？为什么我曾经在那方面发挥不错，就应该继续做下去，要知道情况已经发生变化，事情其实已经发展到不是我可控范围的程度。为什么我在其它方面的大量的前期投入都不足以说明我的目标方向。

发展中，我始终处于比较被动的状态，在积极的靠近目标的同时，但又被排挤在外，并被卷入并不想多涉足部。每次我都以最快的速度完成手头上的工作，希望下一个会是我所感兴趣的，但事实却始终比较戏剧化，一次又一次，似乎离我的预想越来越远，终于有一次忍不住不用暗示而是直接说了出来，得到一次"调换"的机会，而这时我才发现原来已经晚了，不过怎么也算接触上了。而现在情况又继续恶化，虽然声称后面还有机会，但谁说得清楚呢，我更怕的是历史重演，至此我发现自己是被困住了。我应该在开始就明示而不是暗示，而且也不注意那暗示是否有效果。

的确，工作上的事情，我其实不应该太介怀所做的是什么，应该关心是否把事情做好。不过，有兴趣的事情我可以超额完成，没兴趣的事情连合格都不保证，在这样一个基本自然定律的支配下，我当然是希望能做有兴趣的事情，而不是挣扎着把没兴趣的事情整合格。

这两天在情绪控制方面始终不太稳定，难以集中精神，而且容易暴躁。脑袋里面的啊Q则在不停的唠叨着，没事的，事情没有想象的那么糟的，凡是都有两面，应该积极地去应对新的挑战……

只不过到目前为止，还没能调整过来，不知道这个会持续多少天，因为现在有点不是理性那面可以完全控制的了，身体里面的化学物质所产生的郁闷感很清楚的告诉我，我不开心，是时候应该宣泄宣泄，好让自己重新聚气，以便投入工作。

新项目的进展

作为第二次参与J2EE项目，我可是第一次做些跟J2EE有关的开发，一开始心态上有点急，慢慢明白到急也是没用的真谛。

项目发展到现在已经快要进入到UAT阶段了，总体而言，没有第一个项目那样给我好大挑战的感觉，但是却接触（或者更加深入去接触）到很多东西，在亲手搭建的Ubuntu上进行的开发，认真地去了解maven（以前觉得用起来很不爽的工具），好好去看Spring,
Acegi Security (Spring Security), JMS(AMQ和IBM MQ), Hibernate,
Struts，还有Mule……

以前不是很清楚哪些东西时只是觉得自己不太了解，现在是感觉自己了解还比较肤浅，后面有些时间可以继续消化消化。

这个项目，不算大，但是涉及的内容不少，现在有点遗憾的是我做准备比较多，也是最渴望做而且有点想法可以做得更好的部分，最终只有很小一小部分分配到我头上，大概是沉默等待任务分配的必然结果吧，不过也不好意思提，因为任务都已经分给别人了，实在是不方便提。

希望后面UAT可以顺利啦……